i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
This is my gift to your gina
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
