I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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