forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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