I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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