Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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