She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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