just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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