So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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