this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
