ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
