Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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