Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
