32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
