This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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