shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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