ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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