Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
