I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
