apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
