How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Is it because I queefed?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
