I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
