Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Randomize
