i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
