for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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