hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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