He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
