she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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