toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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