I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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