Do you still have your period?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
this just has baby written all over it
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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