I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
