Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
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