I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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