worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize