probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
