Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
