we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
