okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
