drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
