The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
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