I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize