He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
