We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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