what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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