So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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