I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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