You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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