I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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