I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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