some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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