I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
