running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
