let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i want to swaddle you in tequila
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
