Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
