Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
