Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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