I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
