Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize