i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
