you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
