Don't you send me to vm
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
