i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
