Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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