Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
