I wannas sexs uuuuu
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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