i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
