I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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