I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
