Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize