can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Just cropdusted the office
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
