i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
