who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
