I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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