when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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