Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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