I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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