I didn't shave. On purpose
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
