I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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