My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
