Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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