i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
