Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
