there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
