u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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