I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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