actually, I'm a sock model
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
