Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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