Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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