"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
