I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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