Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
