im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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