sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
