I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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