I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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