I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
