dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
i've created a new STD.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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