your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize