My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Everyone says I win the strip club
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
