I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I think my vagina is haunted
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
