Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
