9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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