i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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