I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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