Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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