You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
