Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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