Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize