I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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