Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
