i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
